A hit

People underestimate the value of a good checklist.  A good checklist is the difference between getting your man, and forgetting to recheck the razor wire.  Some stupid rabbit had nearly given the game away.  Now it was busy filling my belly instead of thwarting my plans.   Per the checklist, there was nothing to do now but wait.  A few spell scrolls kept me from eating raw rabbit in my perch and from needing an exposing fire.  The sun was beginning to set and my prey would be approaching shortly.

“One errant comment!  One errant comment and she destroyed half of my lands!”

“Apparently she thinks my business is ‘amoral’, and she also thinks she’s got the right to do something about it.”

I pride myself on not being easy to contact, but the coalition of landed barons and wealthy industrialists bankrolling this job caught my interest.  Money is key when you’re trying to get someone to take on the greatest mage in four generations.  And preparation is key when you’re the magically stunted assassin who happens to be the only one capable of taking her on.

“You recognize that this will cost you.  Possibly everything?”

“You’re the best of the best.  You’ve taken on mages before.”

“This is a bit more than just ‘a mage‘.”

“Fine, fine.  Name your price but she dies.”

Nobody just lets you name your price anymore.  So who am I to turn down the gobs and gobs of money they were willing to throw at the problem?  A few more spell scrolls had me warded against every type of magic it was possible to cast.  This was the way she would come.  She’d been out of the country for a month, and this would be the path she took back.  I’d set up traps for a hundred yards in every conceivable path.  I pulled the brim of my hat low over my eyes.  I stuffed my list into my pack as I closed my eyes; a check neatly made by a reminder to adjust my night vision.  A little rest wouldn’t hurt either.  Efficiency.  Efficiency and planning.

A bird call.  A bird that doesn’t call at twilight; the first ward.  My crossbow was already loaded and at the ready.  With any luck she hadn’t sensed the minuscule amount of magic that went off when the ward was tripped.  I shift my weight to aim my crossbow in the direction of the warning.  Per the checklist, I’d tested the branch; it was absolutely silent as I wait for the shape of her to come into my view.

“Hawwo!”

I look to meet the voice to my left.  The Faerie Familiar looks like a chubby dragon.  It waves at me with a grin splitting it’s tiny face.  It was getting fatter.

The world became fire as I ditched my tree perch in the only safe direction to do so.  The force of the explosion knocked the wind out of me even as it drives me into the ground.  Only the wards kept me from being as on fire as the rest of the trees around me had become.  So much for needing night vision.  I’m on my feet in an instant, running for my backup hole.  A snap of foliage to my right earned an immediate crossbow bolt.  I begin reloading without even checking to see if the bolt struck true, it hadn’t.  The sound of the bolt splintering in mid air is far more confirmation than I need.

“You know, you’re gonna put someone’s eye out with that thing.”

Thank the gods.  She still didn’t know exactly where I was.  I cut left, there were more traps between us that way.  I know because I can hear them going off, fruitlessly.

“How long did this take you to set up?  I want to know how long I should spend pulling your toes and fingers off.  I like to match effort for effort, you know.”

She was closer.  I pulled on threads I’d left in this location, for this purpose.  Trust in the preparation.  Lightning sprung from my pre-placed Spelljars.  The trap had twins in four other probable locations.  The sound of a shield spell going off told me they would probably have had the same effect.

“Ugh.  You’re becoming annoying…”  I could hear the exasperation in her voice.  Subtlety immediately became the least of my concerns.

“Spirits of Flame and Cataclysm, harken to the words of your master.  Know that blood and flame await all who answer my call.  Find my foes that they may feed your endlessly consuming maw.  GORGON’S GAZE.”

Running is too light a phrase for the locomotion I maintained.  A panicked sprint was still an understatement.  A roar of flame and the scream of an otherworldly spirit I wish I didn’t know existed were the only sounds to be heard in the space that used to be a thickly wooded forest.  Now there was smoke, fire, ash, and a village sized clearing.

I wasn’t done yet.  I’m still alive, so I’m not beaten.  I have to risk one glance back in my slightly less panicked sprint to see a silhouette closing on me.  Another useless bolt fired.  This time at least I get to watch as the bolt seems to hit a thick gelatin, exploding in slow motion into a thousand shards.

“Oh Boy!  HAWWO!”

Should’ve kept looking where I was going.  This chubby, stupid, dragon opens its mouth and a fan of acid comes retching out.  I throw myself to the ground in a desperate roll.  When I come to my feet, my long dagger is already out, slicing faster than the eye can track at the woman suddenly in front of me.

“That almost got me, you know.”

“No it didn’t stop humoring me.”

“No seriously, look!  You’re only, like, an inch from my face.”

“Thanks for not blowing my arm off before it got there.”

She threw her arms around him and he let his arms settle around her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to town?!  Also, why did you try to kill me, but mostly the first thing?  I missed you babe!”

I gently kissed her forehead, letting a hand run through her hair.

“I missed you too.  And someone hired me, why else do I do this sort of thing.”

“Wait, were you really trying?  Baaabe!  I never get to see your A game!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re getting my B+ game at best.”

“No, no, I set off about a hundred and fifty traps.  You were really trying!”

“Fine.  You caught me.  I still knew it wouldn’t do anything to you.”

“Well, obviously not.  I mean, you’re lucky I decided to do this personal style.  I was about to level the rest of the forest.  If it makes you feel  better though, I did actually have to expend a bit of effort on this one.”

“The only reason it doesn’t make me feel better is because I don’t feel bad.  I already told you I’d only be with someone stronger than me.”

Her blush is still the prettiest thing I’ve seen in this world.

“Yeah, yeah.  So spill it, who hired you?  Now I’ve got a head of steam and I’m not quite ready to let it go.”

“You know I can’t tell you that.  I’d never get another job again.”

“I could torture it out of you…”

“Promises, promises.”

“Ugh.  Fine.  Not like you’re gonna get paid for a job you didn’t… wait… you can’t finish this job, why’d you even take it?”

“You’re a dangerous mage, you know.  I can’t guarantee I’ll live through the attempt.  Besides, when you can name your price you can also name your terms.  You’ve made some very rich enemies.  Less rich now, obviously.  Considerably less rich.”

“Oooh, nice!  Watcha gonna get me? ”

“It’s a surprise.  Besides after tonight, I’m going to need to get a drink at Rethlan’s in Summerchilde.”

She squeezes me tightly, her arms still strung around me.  Her sunlight hair smells like smoke.  Her hair always smells like smoke, even it’s a bit fresher now.  “Ooh, that’s the best gift you could get me!  But seriously, I’m going to expect you waiting up with some wine, and that bread I like.”

“I’ll be at home darling.”

Her kiss brings me back to life like nothing else in this world can.  I give her a swat on the butt as she climbs to the sky on suddenly gusting winds.  I’ve fulfilled my part of the bargain.  Gave it my solid best, after all.  Well, maybe not my solid best.  But a pretty good try.  Sure my reputation will take a hit, but her reputation would soar even more.  It would be a long night in hell before someone else tried this against her.  But if those rich degenerates thought they’d just hire some new idiot to eliminate my love?  Well, I never said who hired me.  I pulled a bit of parchment from my pack.

“Make sure they don’t live to try this shit again: √”

People undervalue a good checklist.