So I got the opportunity to try writing a script for a TV show. This was my audition script, which ended up being an entire episode. I’m still working on my ability to write in screenplay format, but I think it came out fairly well.
Int. – School Cafeteria, mid-day
We see the cafeteria, bustling with activity. Students are assembled in their respective cliques, eating, horsing around, generally being kids. Various banners support school pride, including one featuring a worm in a graduation cap with the caption ‘Follow the worm and ace your midterm!’ After surveying the area, we focus on the kid leaving the lunch line with his food. SAM is on his way to his table, being the last to get his lunch together. The others are already loudly discussing the topic of the day.
Lana
(Sitting next to Tommy and looking over his shoulder as he plays some kind of hand-held game)
No, no! If you catch him early then he won’t have Splatter-guts EX [pronounced Eee Ecks]. And then you’re totally wasting his “AoE Doom” S rank compatibility!
Tommy
Oh my god Lana, not everything is about compatibility! Sometimes I just wanna play some jank!
Lana
Tommy your life is jank, can you please optimize this one thing.
(This is said as a friendly jibe, but with the bite of kids who constantly talk shit to each other).
The voices of Tommy and Lana fade into the background, swallowed up by the susurrus of cafeteria noise as Sam sets his tray down and looks to Aubrey.
Sam
(To Aubrey) Are they arguing again?
Aubrey
I guess? I get lost once they get too deep into ‘gamer’. I consider that whole side of the table a lost cause.
Joachim
Should probably nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.
Aubrey
I don’t think we’re there yet… maybe if they start talking about math?
Tommy
The stats bear it out Lana! Do the math!
Lana
I have! Better than you, clearly.
(Their voices fade out again)
Sam
(To Aubrey) Aren’t you failing math?
Aubrey
Why do you think I’m now condoning use of our only nuclear option?
Joachim
Anyway, we’ve got the history midterm, like, tomorrow, right?
Sam
Yeah, you guys ready for it yet?
Aubrey
I’m… mostly there… kinda…
Joachim
Do we really need to know how the country got founded? I mean, the whole unit should just be titled “Slavery was bad.” Then let us go home early.
Sam
So that’s a no and a no.
(Turns to face the two still bickering in the background)
Hey, 3PO; R2… you ready for the history midterm or what?
Tommy
(sotto voice, hastily spoken)
I’m R2.
Lana
(sotto voice, hastily spoken)
Screw you, I’m R2! The cool one you never listen to.
Tommy
(sotto voice, hastily spoken)
Duel you for it?
Lana
(sotto voice, hastily spoken)
Duel you for it.
(normal voice)
Yeah, I’m okay with history. As long as I get a C, it’s fine right?
Lana stops looking at Sam and rummages through her backpack, pulling out a schoolbook, a beaker full of some mystery liquid, and finally a handheld similar to Tommy’s, which she begins playing on while facing Tommy.
Tommy
I need to cram, but I should be fine. There’s some really interesting stuff in there!
The table groans at Tommy’s enthusiasm. But he’s already moved on to whatever “duel” he and Lana are having. Sam takes the opportunity to scoop some food into his mouth before gathering everyone’s attention again.
Sam
All right, all right. We could all use a brush up. Let’s meet up at my place. We can have a study session tonight. Mr. Fleischman’s tests are legendarily hard, so we’re gonna have to put our heads together.
Joachim
Oh yeah, the seniors were complaining about it, even. Though one of them let slip something juicy.
(He leans in conspiratorially)
Apparently, Fleischman’s too lazy to grade the papers all the way through. So, every year he picks a question in secret and makes that one worth all of the points!
Aubrey
Seriously? Like, an all or nothing thing?
Joachim
Yep. Ned was saying he would have aced his test, except he only got the secret question wrong.
Sam
Which leaves us with a secret question of our own… what’s the golden question gonna be about?
Lana
(Distractedly) Oh, we already solved the golden question…
The others look at Lana with surprise and expectation. She presses something on her handheld and Tommy’s eyes go wide. Then he drops his head to the table in defeat.
Lana
(smugly, triumphantly, while gesturing at Tommy)
Tell ‘em, you C-3PO bein’ em-effer.
Aubrey
(To Sam)
You have got to stop riling them up.
Sam
I have got to stop riling them up.
***Theme Song***
INT: School Hallway
The gang is walking through the crowded halls on their way to History class. Joachim is clearly the popular one in the clique, fielding random greetings from his fellow students. Sam is trying to stick close, so he can osmose some of the popularity. Aubrey seems the most comfortable just being in her place. Lana and Tommy are keeping to each other, eschewing the outside world.
Sam
I texted my Dad and he says it’s fine, so we can meet up at my place tonight.
Joachim
Sweet. I’ll swing by home and bring something over. Mom makes great snacks.
Aubrey
So, what exactly are we going to be studying?
Tommy
(Said as though the answer is obvious)
Umm… history?
Aubrey
Keep it up and I’m gonna have to study you.
Lana
(incredulous)
Are you hitting on Tommy?
Aubrey
Because he will be history, dumbass. Clearly both of you want to be destroyed! Get over here. I promise it’ll only be my best fake tears at your wakes.
Aubrey mockingly chases the other two who split and cut through the crowd to the other side of the hall.
Joachim
But yeah, how’re we going to figure out the right question to study?
Sam
We’ve got his class next. He’s got to have something around we can use to figure out the right topic to study for.
Aubrey
Sure, but how do we find it? It’s not like he’ll stop class so we can search for clues..
Sam
… Maybe that’s exactly what he’ll do. We just need a distraction. I think we can pull something together.
(Hollering across the hallway) Lana, Tommy! Strategy meeting!
The group huddle together. The camera stays at an overhead shot of them walking away, unable to hear whatever they’re saying.
INT: History Classroom
Mr. Fleischman’s history class is rather matter of fact. Underneath exterior facing windows, a few low bookshelves line one wall, full of history books we can’t really see the titles of. [Good place for visual gags if time allows: ‘The war of 1812: Revolution 2, Impressment Boogaloo’, ‘American History for Complete Morons’, ‘How the west was won with a 9 high and an Ace on the river’, ‘Returning the Louisiana Purchase without a Receipt’, etc.] Someone has drawn a chalk drawing of George Washington on the chalkboard with a speech bubble saying, “I cannot tell a lie: read a book.” Next to it, in a different handwriting is a notice “Midterm: Tomorrow” the ‘Tomorrow’ is clearly where a countdown has been written and erased daily. The entire room gives off the aura of a teacher that’s pretty much given up on properly teaching kids. The students are already seated. We can see that our gang do not sit next to each other. Lana has the beaker we spotted earlier on her desk. However as the camera comes to a place where we can see Mr. Fleischman writing notes on the chalkboard, we can see the gang nodding surreptitiously at each other.
Fleisch.
So, during the New York and New Jersey campaigns, Howe pushed Washington out of New York. But with a string of unsupported outposts trying to hold the line, Washington struck back with a famous move. And that famous move was?
The class remains silent, staring on without comment.
Fleisch (cont)
(Fleischman becomes increasingly drawn out and higher pitched as he attempts to illicit a response)
Come on… happened on Christmas? They made a painting of it? And a sonnet? And a million poems? He crossed…?
Lana
Me, for the last time!
There are quiet snickers around her.
Tommy
Umm… he crossed the Delaware?
Fleisch.
Thank you, Thomas. Glad someone’s going to get a decent grade on the midterm.
(Under his breath) The districts gonna murder me over the averages…
Fleischman writes “Washington Crosses the Delaware, December 25, 1776” on the blackboard. He taps it a few times to emphasize its importance.
Fleisch. (cont)
(loud again, while writing) And Lana, I don’t appreciate your chemistry assignment being out in my class.
Lana
I need it for my next class!
Sam coughs and Joachim stops looking out the window before suddenly raising his hand.
Joachim
Hey, Mr. Fleischman, can you tell us what’s gonna be on the test?
Fleisch.
I’ve been telling you all semester Joachim, so look at the notes I’m sure you’ve meticulously taken.
Joachim
I just thought maybe you’d want to make an exchange, y’know: You tell us what’s the most important stuff…
Fleisch.
It’s all important. And I don’t make ‘exchanges’ with students.
Joachim
(proceeding as if uninterrupted)
And in exchange I’ll tell you that the kids spray painting your car haven’t gotten to the balls yet…
Fleisch.
Gotten to the bal… are they drawing a…! Very funny, Mr. Perez.
Aubrey
(exaggerated, acting for the prank to work) Wait, seriously? Oh my gawd!
Aubrey feigns shock and rushes over to look out the window. The other students, eager for any distraction begin pouring out of their seats rushing for the window. This includes the rest of the gang except Sam. As Lana gets up rapidly from her desk, we see the beaker on her desk beginning to totter.
Fleisch.
Come on, I’m not falling for this prank… Fine. Let’s all look! Who needs to know history?! You’re all probably doomed to repeat anyway.
Ext – Outside the history class window
The camera switches to showing the outside of the window with all of the students pressed against it. From our vantage we can see Tommy hanging back a bit, we can also see Sam getting up and trying to sneak toward Mr. Fleischer’s desk. He’s about halfway there when Mr. Fleischer speaks again.
Fleisch.
Yeah, there are no… genitalia… drawn anywhere. And besides my car is the red Laxus
Aubrey
Don’t you mean Lexus?
Fleisch.
No, I do not. I’m a teacher. And I bought it from a guy in the valley for 600 bucks, who assured me I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. He was also incorrect. (beat) Anyway, back to your seats.
INT: History Classroom
As we see the kids beginning to turn, Sam has reached Fleischman’s desk. Panic runs over his face as he begins rapidly scanning the desk for any clues. Behind him, we see Tommy look between the kids at the window and Sam. The camera switches to focus on Tommy as he then reaches out a hand and knocks the beaker off Lana’s desk. Immediately we hear a hissing sound and some kind of smoke begins pouring out of the opened beaker. The smoke is between the class and the door.
Lana
AAAAH! My chem project!
Fleisch.
MY CLASSROOM! Open the windows, everyone out the windows, now!
Lana
It’s not deadly… I’m pretty sure… (She is not sure)
As the class begins to hop out of the windows to the outside (this is a first-floor classroom), the camera focuses back on Sam who finds a post-it with the words “Test topics” on it with five bullet-points on it.
*New York/New Jersey Campaign
*Declaration of Independence.
*Tea Party
*The role of slaves and Native Americans
*Federalist Papers ?? (the question marks are written off kilter to the rest of the line, as though the line is being questioned)
We see Sam snag the post-it with a victorious grin. He pockets it before heading out the window with the rest of the class. Fade out.
ACT 2
Int: Sam’s living room.
The gang has set up in Sam’s living room. A decent sized TV dominates one wall and is currently being used by Tommy and Lara to play some kind of Pokémon rip-off. [We don’t need to see it, as long as the sound effects are just creature’s saying their own name. This is a chance for some audio jokes of creatures yelling their own name: “Bigoldong”, “Pantsyou”, “Sploderator”, etc.] The room is well appointed, upper-middle class decorations. There’s no sight of parents or other supervision though, the kids have been trusted with the living room for the time being. While the others are in the background poring over books we focus in on Lana and Tommy playing their game.
Lana
See, I just beat that guy in four moves! How many do you think it would take you with your build?
Tommy
Sure, but I was bored out of my mind watching it. That effect is sooo dull.
Lana
It’s effective! That’s what matters!
Tommy
Not always, Lana! This is what I’m trying to tell you. Sometimes you’ve gotta try weird stuff to find the really broken strats.
Lana
That’s just sub-optimal wishing! Look I’ll whip this guy in three turns.
Tommy
Maybe you could win in two moves if you beat him to death with the stick in your ass.
Lana
Yeah, then he’d be dead that much faster, and my use of sticks would power up. Or would you rather tickle him for an hour to see if he’s secretly allergic to tickles?
Tommy
Maybe! And what if he is? How would you ever find out?
Lana
Whatever. I’m gonna beat this dude and get on the leaderboard. Maybe then you’ll acknowledge how rad I am, and how good my advice and strategies and brain and basically everything about me is.
Tommy rolls his eyes but scooches a tad bit closer to her as they both concentrate on the screen. The camera switches view to focus on the other kids. The post-it note sits in the middle of the table as Sam, Aubrey, and Joachim look at their books while occasionally glancing toward the note. There is a cheer from the two playing a game and a high five, breaking the silence/tension at the study table.
Aubrey
Well, glad someone’s getting something out of this night.
Joachim
Are we just going to pretend that thing doesn’t exist? (indicates the post-it)
Sam
It’s the closest to an answer I got and it’s still worthless. How are we supposed to know which one he chose?
Aubrey
There’s got to be some kind of clue. What about all those question marks? Maybe it means ‘this is the question I’m going to use’…
Sam
Ah yes, the universal sign of concrete surety- The question mark.
Joachim
Besides weren’t the Federalist papers, like, way later than the Revolutionary War? I kinda remember them from that musical?
Sam
Maybe? I mean, at this rate we’re just gonna have to study everything.
Joachim
It’s gotta be the tea party, right? Everyone likes a party.
Aubrey
It wasn’t that kind of party, dummy. All they did was throw tea bags at the ocean.
Sam
And grossly pretend to be Native-Americans! Maybe it’s a lesson about appropriation?
Aubrey
How do you ‘appropriate’ a test, Sam? Should we all come dressed as scantron sheets?
Sam
(Annoyed at being dismissed and trying to change the topic) He was talking about crossing the Delaware today, right? It’s got to be the first one, the Delaware river is near New Jersey.
Joachim
Isn’t it near Delaware?
Sam
(incredulous, but also trying to convince himself) Delaware is also near New Jersey?
Aubrey
He could be trying to throw us off the scent to wreck people who know the secret.
Sam
This is getting us nowhere. We either need to figure out the right one to study, or we just need to study all of them.
Tommy and Lana come and sit at the table, having apparently finished their gaming business.
Lana
So which answer are we studying? If we don’t have an easy test tomorrow then I just wasted a lot of time that, now that I’m saying it out loud, I was probably going to waste anyway.
Aubrey
Maybe you were on to something with the Native-American thing earlier… maybe it’s the question about their role?
Tommy
It’s a pretty deep topic with a lot of nuance, for the time, I mean. Now it’s obvious that we did them dirty, but back then…?
Joachim
Dirty… like cheating on a test… (big shit-eating grin) ehhh?
Lana
It’s not cheating if we’re just adhering to the scoring system.
Aubrey
Aha! I’ve got it!
Aubrey swipes the post-it with the options on it, places it on a piece of paper and then begins filling in the post-it with pencil strokes. The others all shout objections over each other, but Aubrey turns away from them and swiftly fills in the entire post-it note.
[simultaneous objections]
Sam
What? No!
Joachim
Not cool!
Lana
I also care about the paper!
Tommy
(insincere) Oh. No.
Aubrey
Ha! I knew it. There’s your secret answer! Read it and weep!
The others lean in over the post-it note. Aubrey is pleased with her amateur detective work. Now in light pencil you can see that new words are written. Sam snatches his hard-won post it and holds it up to the light for further inspection.
Sam
This says ‘Get Cranberries’…
Aubrey
(pretending that she knew) …I know. It’s a … trick question! He’s gonna ask about… the pilgrims?
Sam
Yes, Aubrey, our midterm about the Revolutionary War will all hinge on our knowledge of Thanksgiving. (sarcastically cheery) You’ve solved everything and not at all ruined our only clue.
Aubrey plants her head on the table, embarrassed that she’s made this kind of mistake.
Tommy
(said as a hopeful appeal) Well, with our only clue destroyed, I guess we’re just going to have to study properly and pass with our own skills!
The others look at Tommy for a two beat, look at each other for one beat before summarily deciding to ignore Tommy’s input.
Sam
All right, I think it’s the crossing the Delaware thing. He was hinting at it so hard today, it’s gotta be what he cares about.
Joachim
No way, man. You’ve convinced me it’s about the Native Americans and Slaves.
Lana
I kinda missed most of this discussion, but the Declaration of Independence seems pretty important.
Aubrey
Guess I’ll take the party if we’re just divvying things up.
Sam
So may the best man win.
Lana
Or best woman.
Tommy
Or the one who studies the most and properly answers the questions on the test?
Sam
(said deferentially while looking at Lana) May the best person, who isn’t Tommy, win.
The gang all nod, except Tommy who just shakes his head and picks up his book. The others follow suit, clearly about to research their sole topic. We fade out on this scene. If we need extra time, we can also cut to a studying montage for a few minutes. Mostly the kids studying hard for a bit then devolving into them just playing around and enjoying each other’s company.
Act 3
Int: History Classroom
The walls are a bit dirtier and smudged from the smoke which hasn’t been entirely cleaned up. We watch as Mr. Fleischman hands out tests to all the students. The camera goes in for a close up on each of the gang’s nervous faces as they receive their test. It then resets to neutral as Mr. Fleischman sits back at his desk.
Fleisch.
All right, you’ve got 30 minutes. Get to it.
Fleischman then begins working on his own things on the desk. From the classrooms view, it looks like he’s taking some notes on a piece of paper. The camera switches to over his shoulder and we see that he is, in fact, making a drawing of himself standing victorious over another male figure. The caption on the picture says “Darwin, the superior brother!” [If the teacher has an established rival, this can also be used to show the character’s petty side]. The camera returns to neutral allowing us to see all of the gang getting into their test. Sam makes a little fist pump, while Aubrey flips the paper over several times with a worried look on her face. We take a few minutes to see all of the students filling out their tests. This is done with music overlay, but no actual sound from the class. We see Tommy smiling bemusedly to himself, obviously pleased with his studying. We see Lana surreptitiously trying to roll a d4 to guess her multiple-choice questions. Joachim flits between looking out the window and writing down answers, seemingly on a whim. Sam is spending a lot of time on one section of his test. Aubrey is sweating bullets but making a good pace through the whole test. We fade out midway through and come back to the next scene.
Int: School Hallway
The gang are gathered in a circle by what appears to be Lana’s locker to the side of the hallway.
Sam
Oh man, as soon as I saw that question about General Howe, I knew I’d nailed the secret question.
Aubrey
Oh please. I’ll admit, he had me in the first half, but then I saw the buried reference to the Boston Tea Party, and I knew I was gonna ace this thing.
Joachim
Which one did I take again? I remember answering a lot of questions with just slavery is bad. I feel like that ought to be an automatic bonus point, right?
Lana
Yeah, I just randomed through it. Though it was nice to see the question about the Declaration in there, since I did look up stuff on that bit specifically.
Tommy
Hey thanks for hosting the cram session Sam. The test was hard, but getting to hang out and cram made it a lot easier.
Joachim
Yeah, man it was fun. Thanks for having us over.
Sam
Yeah, no problem gang.
As they are saying this, we see Mr. Fleischer walking by in behind them. Sam notices this and follows with his eyes.
Sam (cont)
Test is over now, time to find out which one of us was right.
Aubrey
He’s not going to spoil our grades!
Joachim
Maybe he’ll give us a hint!
Sam, Aubrey, and Joachim make their way down the hall, chasing after Mr. Fleischman. Lana hangs back, more interested in her locker. Tommy hangs back as well, more interested in her. As the others leave, Lana slips one last book into the locker and closes the door, securing the lock.
Tommy
Hey… did you, uh, check the leaderboard this morning?
Lana
Hell yeah, I was 8th place! Can you believe it? I told you my strategy was the best. I was only behind number 7 by 23 points. He probably overleveled or something.
Tommy
You didn’t happen to notice who number 6 was, did you?
Tommy holds up his handheld so Lana can see it. She looks at the screen and her eyes go wide with disbelief.
Lana
(tongue tied) Y… how…
Tommy
Spent a while trying different stuff. Turns out that boss is weak to Superfly damage. All the moves that do Superfly damage are pretty funny, so I have a few Snookas I play with. I managed to take him down quick. And all while still acknowledging how rad you are, and how good your brain and ‘basically everything’ are.
Lana
(blushing, coyly) You left out my advice and strategies…
(she looks away from him demurely) You’re pretty rad yourself, Tommy… congrats.
Tommy
Do I still have to be C-3PO?
Lana
Of course you do! (beat, then romantically-) My awesome best friend I’d do anything for…
The two smile at each other and Tommy takes Lana’s hand for a moment before they head off down the hallway in the opposite direction the others had taken. The camera swings away from them to find that Sam and the others have finally caught up with Mr. Fleischman.
Sam
Mr. Fleischman! Are you gonna grade those tests now?
Fleisch.
Yeah, you’ll find out your grade when I hand them back.
Sam
No need to hide it… (looking around conspiratorially) We already know it’s gonna be an easy grade… (he gives an exaggerated wink).
Aubrey
You are the worst at this.
Fleisch.
Of course it’s going to be an easy grade. It’s High School history.
Joachim
I think he means we know about… the secret question.
Sam
And we’re dying to know which one of us picked the right one! Come on, just a hint? It was the New York Campaign, right?
Fleisch.
What? What secret question? Oh wait… yeah, I guess it would still be kicking around. (rubs his forehead in consternation). Look, I know the rumor. I’m ‘so lazy’ I only grade one question? Yeah, that’s a rumor I started. You know we get budgeted on the student test averages, right? Idiots like you kids who think there’s a cheap out weren’t going to study properly anyway. But this way you at least studied something, and I probably won’t have to fail you. Which makes me look better and the district look better.
Sam, Aubrey, and Joachim all look flabbergasted. They were absolutely certain they had tricked the system.
Fleisch (cont)
So, I guess I should thank you for your… well I won’t say hard work… Contribution? Sure, let’s go with that.
Fleischman turns away from the students and begins walking away.
Fleisch (cont)
You’ll see your grades when you get your papers back. Expect low ones!
Sam
(still in utter disbelief)
Ffffff
The camera focuses on Sam’s face as he’s clearly about to yell “Fuck” but is holding on the ‘f’ for a few moments. The other two are just staring at each other slack jawed. The camera cuts to black before Sam can reach the letter ‘u’.
END
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